One of my goals with this blog is to be open and transparent with what is happening in my life. That being said, today was not really a good day for me. Two years ago yesterday, I lost one of my favorite people in the whole world. My Grandma.
With being on the road for weeks at a time I tend to lose track of what day it is. I knew that we were going to be on the road on this anniversary (I hate calling it that), but I wasn't sure where we were going to be. I was alright yesterday, but it hit me pretty hard today. We started the day at our friends in Tennessee and honestly it took me a little bit to realize what today was. Knowing that we were going to be heading out this afternoon I started packing and getting ready to leave not thinking anything of it. Then we sat down for breakfast and I don't even remember what was said that triggered my memory but then it hit me all at once. I'm not the type of person that likes crying in front of people, and quite honestly I didn't feel like explaining myself for being upset so I just kept quite and busied myself with clearing the table to distract my mind a little.
I waited till everyone was done and Bob had gone into the room that we were staying in to go and tell him what was going on. He laid down with me for a little while and just let me cry on his shoulder. He didn't say anything or try to "fix it", just let me cry and get it out. Times like that I really just thank God for giving me someone who understands that he doesn't need to come up with the perfect thing to say, that he just needs to be there to give me a hug and hold me for a few minutes.
Losing my Gram was arguably the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life. I've had a few people in my life be called home, but no one as important to me was her. We all knew that is was coming, but that didn't make it any easier. I watched her health and mind start to go little by little till all she could do was lay in bed and say a few incoherent things. It hurt so much to see her go from the one who would take care of everyone to having everyone take care of her. And on top of all of that watching my Grandad lose his wife and live of his life.
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| My favorite picture of Gram and Grandad |
As sad as I am that all I have left are memories, pictures and the things she left to me, I know that she is in a
much better place. I know that she is in heaven with God watching over us. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about her. I wear a ring that she gave me everyday to keep her close and have pictures of her so my mind will never forget exactly what she looked like. The things I miss the most though are the sound of her voice and her amazing hugs.
To end this out I do have to brag of God a little. In her last days I would go visit her and Grandad everyday after work and spend time with them and the rest of my family that was able to be there. The one day that I was just so tired and drained physically and emotionally, I decided not to go at the last minute was the day that God called her home. When my mom called with the news that night I broke down and bawled till I had no tears left. I started to beat myself up over not going saying that I should have been there. I should have been there for Mom and for Grandad. Then, ever thankful again for my husband, he asked me what good could have come from me being there. I would have been even more of a wreck than I already was. I thought about it for a little bit and then God said to me, "you didn't need to see that." I was upset with myself for not being there, but God kept me home on purposes because I was hurt enough from losing her, I didn't need to see her die. He kept me from more heartache then I would have been able to handle. For that I will forever be thankful.
Until next time, God Bless!
















